Changing Gears

Ah, back home and time to change gears…and a few other things. I’ll be working on this site for a bit so it will be able to do some things better. But it is probably going to get worse before it gets better, so if something isn’t working right, please check back later.

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A Little More on Myanmar

This trip to SE Asia is just about over. We’re back in Bangkok for a few days of sightseeing and shopping, then we fly back to the Great Frozen North (where, from what we hear, it has been unseasonably warm. Though, if history is any guide, temperatures will plunge and snow will begin falling as soon as we step off the plane.)

This will be my last post for this trip, but I wanted to say a little more about Myanmar. A reader took issue with my perceptions of the country saying, basically, that I was missing the trees for the forest, or something like that. (See Comments under the previous post.) Evidently I had been deceived by Myanmar’s exceptionally friendly and vibrant people, and had overlooked the fact that they are oppressed by a ruthless military regime.

The crux of the controversy is the Myanmar government’s human rights violations which, frankly, are undeniable and indefensible.

The government continues to use forced labor to at least some degree, sometimes for public projects such as road building, sometimes for personal projects for the military elite, if what we were told in Myanmar is accurate. However the use of forced labor has declined in the last decade, according to one thing we read. We saw plenty of road building going on, but nothing that was necessarily forced labor. Road building in underdeveloped countries is backbreaking and labor intensive. We’ve seen similar road crews in Guatemala. But that doesn’t mean it is forced labor. Of course, it doesn’t mean it isn’t either. But one shouldn’t jump to conclusions based on what one sees out a bus window.

The government is authoritarian and paranoid and deals with criticism and threat harshly. Freedom of speech is restricted (though, unlike Lao and many other countries, freedom of religion is not). It was interesting to discover there were certain websites we could not access. Every once in a while instead of a page loading, a bright red “access denied” banner would appear. Of course, the fact that there is internet access at all is a remarkable thing in an authoritarian state. Access is not denied, just managed. Not always successfully, by the way. A lot of the public internet cafes we went to used proxy servers which circumvented the government attempts to censor content. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And the people of Myanmar have plenty of will.

Old school restrictions on speech are more successful. The government is almost universally unpopular, as far as we could tell, but people are careful about what they say, and to whom. People are wary of spies who will report their comments to the authorities, resulting in arrest and imprisonment. The guidebooks caution travelers against bringing up political subjects because it might create trouble. However a number of people who could speak English brought up the situation to us themselves. One young man, a guide we had hired to show us around, told us about a friend of his who was imprisoned after admitting to a spy that he was active in the resistance movement. I asked him whether he was worried about talking to us, but he said he figured no one else around us would understand what we were saying. A number of other times people would just drop quiet comments, causing us to perk up our ears. If what we heard is just the tip of the iceberg, then the government has every right to be paranoid.

Another serious issue is how the government deals with the insurgencies in the tribal areas. According to reports it has been, shall we say, a little heavy handed. A lot of people killed. But insurgencies all over the world are messy like that. Just before we left we saw on TV a BBC interview with a general of the Kachin forces (one of the tribal groups) who boasted that the Kachin army is gaining new recruits every day, and that they are preparing to fight the government forces. In the north we were told something similar about the Shan army. These are just two of several insurgent groups fighting for independence. Again, if the government feels threatened, that is because it is.

The tribal insurgencies are nothing new. When the British annexed Burma to it’s Indian holdings in the late 1800s it did little to administer the remote tribal areas. They remained apart from central Burma. When Burma gained it’s independence from the British in 1948 the tribal areas still didn’t want to become a part of the country, and that desire has persisted, at times resulting in open warfare. Resistance from rebel groups were partially responsible for the military takeover of the government, first in 1958, then again in 1962, with a brief elected government in between. (Actually, the first time was a voluntary “handover” from the civilian government, in an attempt to gain stability.)

So, tribal insurgencies have been an issue since before the military government came to power, and continue to be an issue. There is no reason to think that issue would go away even if Myanmar became a democracy.

Those are more or less the facts. So where is the controversy? For travelers it is simply this: to go or not to go, that is, should travelers visit Myanmar? I think the only reason that question exists is because of one person–the charismatic, articulate and beautiful opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been under house arrest (in her deteriorating family mansion) for most of the past 20 years. In 1991 she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, and has been awarded several similar prizes. She speaks English and several other languages fluently. She lived and worked in New York, and was married to an Oxford professor who died in 1999. She still has two sons in the UK.

Did I mention she is beautiful? She is, but she is a lot more than just a pretty face. For starters, her father is a national hero, and a founder of the Burmese Army. (General Aung San was assassinated in 1947 when Aung San Suu Kyi was two years old.) Her mother was an ambassador to India and Nepal. She studied at Oxford and holds a Ph.D from the University of London. She led the opposition party in the 1990 election (the last one held) and in an upset victory her party won 82% of the vote. She should have become Prime Minister, but the military government overruled the results and put her under house arrest.

When Aung San Suu Kyi speaks people listen, and in 1995 she said tourists should boycott Burma because foreigners coming to the country was “tantamount to condoning the regime.”

A lot of travelers who like to go to places like Myanmar tend to be not just adventurous, but conscientious. I don’t think any traveler wants to condone or support Myanmar’s military regime. But is it as simple as to go or not to go? I don’t think so. Here’s why.

Myanmar has clearly been affected by its mostly self-imposed isolation. It is less developed than neighboring countries and, as I noted in the previous post, feels like it is 30 years behind. That is not all bad, mind you. There are no western chain stores or restaurants, and few products from international mega-corporations. Most brands we saw which were at all familiar were Asian. I think the only western brand we saw was Coke which, face it, is everywhere there is any kind of civilization. Resistance is futile.

I think objectively the government’s attempt to limit outside influences as the country developed following a century of British rule is understandable–up to a point. It is not the only government to do this. Islamic countries take certain measures to fight godless western influences. Even Canada rather feebly tries to fight “Americanization” by mandating a certain percentage of “Canadian Content” for all broadcasters.

But I don’t think that isolation and secrecy is in the best interest of the people of Myanmar or, for that matter the government. The interests of the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. For good or ill, people and places cannot opt out of the modern world and expect to thrive. The clearest example of that is North Korea.

The government has opened up the country quite a bit in the last few years, and has built a lot of hotels and resorts attractive to mostly high-end tourists. The cynical would say they are doing that to get more money to line their own pockets, which is probably at least partially right. But if that is all it is, then it is a risky strategy. The government has invested a lot of money in these projects, and tourism is very sensitive to any sort of bad PR. The government has every incentive to cast Myanmar in a positive light.

At the same time, independent, low-budget travelers are not particularly restricted. Sure, there are areas foreigners are not allowed to go, such as where there is insurgent activity. (Also areas of gemstone production, a big money maker for the country.) But for the most part we, and other travelers, had not problem going where we wanted, seeing what we wanted and talking to whom we wanted. We spent our money in shops and in the street stalls and mostly places that normal people patronized. Even if some of our money found its way into government hands, most of it went to regular people.

Yes, every guesthouse and bus company copied information from our passport, and there were occasional roadside checks of our documents (and those of the locals). But that kind of thing seems insidious only to armchair travelers. I’ve had my passport checked more often in Mexico. And if you are paranoid about a government tracking you, cut up your credit cards and driver’s license, close your bank accounts, and never sign anything official. By contrast Myanmar’s attempts to track travelers seem rather quaint.

So, tourists and travelers who come to Myanmar spend money, and bring information and ideas. Equally important most, if not all, return with an increased understanding of the country and the people. To be sure it is a mixed blessing for Myanmar, but on the whole I think it is positive thing.

What about those who choose to boycott Myanmar? For some it is a principled, if misguided, stance. They travel all around the world, including Cuba, China and the Islamic theocracies, which have political prisoners and other similar and perhaps more serious human rights problems. But because Aung San Suu Kyi said don’t come to Burma, they don’t come. For most people who champion the boycott, I suspect they don’t go anywhere anyway, and any position they have is simply posturing.

If the boycott benefits anyone I think it is the political opponents of the military regime, many of whom are outside of the country. Part of a famous quote from Aung San Suu Kyi is that “Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it.” I think a corollary to that would be that a desire for power corrupts those who don’t have it. As I noted above, and in my previous post, democracy will not solve all of Myanmar’s problems. If the minorities, who inhabit some of the country’s richest areas of teak and gemstones want independence, and remain willing to fight for it, how will a democratic government respond?

The area that is now Myanmar has a complex and turbulent history, going back centuries. The current situation will take it’s place in that history sooner or later. Elections are scheduled for later this year. The government did a bad job of rigging the last one, 30 years ago and had to overturn the results. It will be interesting to see what happens in this one.

Will anything change? As we were leaving one place someone said to us “Maybe things will be different when you come back. Things will change, if not this election, then maybe the next one.” We hope to come back and see whether he was right.

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Stupa-fied in Myanmar

Pagodas of Bagan

We’ve been in Myanmar almost three weeks. It feels like the place we were looking for on our trip to SE Asia. How could one not like a country with Spirulina Beer?

We got on the plane in Bangkok not knowing quite what to expect upon our arrival in the Yangon, the capital of Myanmar. Myanmar has the reputation of having one of the most authoritarian and oppressive governments in the world, a military regime that came to power in 1962. What would the oppressed people be like, and how would we be treated, we wondered.

A lot of travelers choose not to travel to Myanmar because they are afraid part of the money they spend will go to support the military regime, and that their very presence will somehow legitimize the government’s existence. On the other hand, does staying away somehow help the situation, or does it just allow it to continue in secrecy? We considered those arguments and more, both for and against, and decided we would come. Good decision.

While I’m on politics I’ll briefly address the question of whether to call the country Burma or Myanmar. Short answer: Myanmar. There are plenty of good reasons to call it Myanmar, starting with virtually everybody here does.

“Burma” was the name given to the country by the British during their occupation, because the majority of people are ethnic Bamar, or Burmese. The government changed the name to Myanmar in 1989. The official reason was to distance the country from its colonial past. At the same time a number of other place names were changed from their British-era names.

There is some ethnic tension between the ethnic Burmese majority and the non-Burmese minority—quite a few ethnic and quasi-ethnic groups. There is no reason the minority groups would want their country to be called Burma. In fact, quite a few non-Burmese areas would like to separate entirely, and refer to their area not as “Myanmar” either, but by its ethnic name, such as “Shan State.”

So we touched down in the capital of Yangon (formerly Rangoon, renamed at the same time as the country) with some excitement, and a little apprehension. Airport formalities were a nice surprise, one of the smoothest and quickest entries we’ve had. Not at all Orwellian. No cameras or fingerprint machines, just an overworked official in a booth stamping passports as fast as he could.

Look for signs of oppression, we kept telling ourselves. We weren’t quite sure what to look for. People at the airport were openly friendly and welcoming in a way we have never encountered.

That first impression has persisted throughout our trip. The more we have seen, the harder it has been to think of the Myanmar people as oppressed. Yes, they don’t like their government, and for good reason. The military regime operates the country like its own fiefdom.

People suspect government spies everywhere, and some have tales of random arrests and imprisonment to prove it. (Contrary to what we read and were told, plenty of people have not hesitated to express their views to us. It is, I think, one of the major benefits, to them and to us, of foreign travelers coming to the country—to hear about the situation first-hand.)

So are the people here oppressed? I think the word “oppressed” implies a certain hopeless passivity, and that does not describe the people of Myanmar. They have a sense of vitality and happiness. It has almost become a joke with us how much people sing here, just walking around, working, or other random situations. More than once we’ve been passed by a motorbike loaded down with several passengers—all singing at the top of their voices. “There’s somebody else singing,” we’ll say.

I think the right word might be “repressed.” They are not being held down, they are being held back. It feels like there is a lot of potential here. Eventually the government will change; there is supposed to be an election later this year. Whoever is in charge in the years ahead will have their hands full. A democratically elected government will be just the beginning.

Well, I better get on with the travelogue or I won’t have a place to put pictures.

For most travelers to Myanmar, particularly first-timers like us, there are four main destinations: Yangon, Mandalay, Bagan and Inle Lake. The four places form, roughly, a cross, with Yangon and Mandalay at the southern and northern ends, and Bagan and Inle Lake to the west and east. Getting from one to any of the others takes a pretty long bus or train ride—10 to 15 hours—and often at night. So far there are no tourist shuttles, as in many other countries. (There are package tours that carry customers around the country in big buses, but package tours are a money-maker for the government, so independent travelers avoid them.)

Like nearly everyone, we started in Yangon. Yangon is a big city with a lot of old buildings dating back to the colonial era (which, as Faye noted, look like they could use a good power washing). The streets around these old buildings were throbbing with small markets, food vendors, and people hanging out conducting all kinds of business. There was a stark contrast between the old buildings and the people below them. It was like one civilization living amongst the ruins of an earlier one.

There are two beautiful parks that any city would be proud of, as well as one of the most impressive pagodas we’ve seen (and by now we’ve seen a lot of them.) According to legend, parts of the Shwedagon Paya, or Pagoda, is 2500 years old. At its center is a massive gold stupa, gilded with gold leaf on the lower part, then further up covered with gold plate, up to a crowning ornament of solid gold and silver, with thousands of diamonds and jewels. It is topped with a 76-carat diamond. It is pretty impressive even if you’ve already seen enough pagodas and stupas to last a lifetime.

But we weren’t done with pagodas. Our next destination was Bagan, which is all about pagodas.

Bagan is a place that makes Yangon seem like a modern metropolis. More than 3000 pagodas and stupas are scattered over a large plain, some dating back more than 1000 years. In 1990 the government relocated people who lived in what is now known as Old Bagan, the area with the highest concentration of pagodas, a few kilometers south to what is now called New Bagan. The result is that Old Bagan, while not completely devoid of life, has a timeless feel to it. At sunset we (and every other tourist in Bagan) climbed to the top of one pagoda and watched as the sun bathed the ancient temples in a warm glow. It looked like the setting for an Indiana Jones movie. We spent a couple days exploring the area, by horse cart and bicycle, then caught a bus to Mandalay.

The road to Mandalay, it turns out, is bumpy and broken. We rode an old, rattling bus through a parched landscape. By the time we arrived we felt old and rattled as well.

Mandalay feels older than it actually is, just 150 years or so. For most travelers it serves more as a base to explore surrounding areas than a destination. It has all the hustle and bustle and grime of Yangon, but not much charm. The major attractions are a handful of old sites near the city with—you guessed it—pagodas.

Just south of town one pagoda has a quirky twist—a couple of large pythons have taken up residence around one of the Buddha figures. They have been there for years. Every day attendants lovingly wash and feed them. It is an idyllic existence for the snakes, except for all the people wanting to get their picture taken with them. The attendants gladly oblige, and make a little money doing it.

Another site is known more for its picturesque 1.8 kilometer teak footbridge over part of a lake than its pagodas. Tourists, local people and monks flock there at sunset for a stroll across the bridge. Quite a few monks study English, and many on the bridge take the opportunity to chat with English-speaking visitors.

We hired a car and guide to take us around. We don’t normally do that kind of thing, preferring to explore on our own. But we have found that here in Myanmar, a guide has been an invaluable source of information, and we’ve seen things we wouldn’t have otherwise. Our guide took us first to a workshop that made gold leaf, all by hand. The gold leaf is sold to devotees and applied to a well-known Buddha figure nearby, which has become thickly encrusted with gold.

A cluttered leather shop across the street caught my eye and I wondered over and found one of the strangest things I’ve seen—a skeleton, dressed in leather and a cowboy hat, with a microphone clutched in his boney hands. Around him were giant python skins, mounted skulls of unidentifiable animals, and random junk. I don’t know who he was. One friend suggested he might have been a former activist.

We continued north of Mandalay, up into the mountains of northern Shan state, to the town of Kyaukme (pronounced “chow-MAY”), The Shan are ethnic Chinese and make up the majority of that area, but there are other tribal groups as well. With another local guide, and a couple other travelers, we went on a two-day trek up into the mountains, passing through several villages, and staying overnight in a Shan village. We slept in the house of the local headman on the wooden floor in a communal sleeping room.

Our guide could speak the local languages, as well as English, and was familiar with the villages and the people in them. He helped with the language barrier, and we felt truly welcome. Unfortunately, sleeping on the floor felt truly uncomfortable. But the night passed and all was well. Our two fellow travelers were great company, and we all had a good time.

We returned to town on Valentine’s Day, which also happened to be Chinese New Year. The guesthouse where we were staying, the only place in the town licensed to deal with foreigners, was party central. For two nights there was a live band, dancers, and dozens of drunken locals enjoying the show. After our trek, and the sketchy night’s sleep, we weren’t thrilled with having a party going on outside our door—the rear of the stage was literally a few feet from our room. But the key to coping with that kind of thing is to join in. We lasted as long as we could, then went to bed in spite of it all.

We returned to Mandalay for a night, then caught a bus for the fourth of the big four destinations—Inle Lake, where we are now. If Myanmar has a tourist destination, Inle Lake is it. We’ve seen more package tourists here than anyplace we’ve been. That said, it still doesn’t feel touristy compared to other countries.

Like nearly everyone who comes here, we hired one of the motorized longboats to take us around the lake to visit various villages, markets and workshops where everything from silk cloth to cheroots to teak boats are all made by hand. What we found most interesting, however, were the floating gardens.

The lake is quite shallow, particularly near the shore. Vast areas have been converted to agriculture by forming rows of the floating lake plants and anchoring them to the lake bottom with bamboo poles. A layer of mud from the bottom is spread on top of the floating rows and then planted with all kinds of vegetables, and even flowers. Lakeweed is harvested and used as mulch on the growing plants. It doesn’t get much more organic than that.

We have about another week in Myanmar. We think our next destination will be a beach. Wherever we decide to go, it will begin with an 18 hour bus ride to Yangon. The closest beach is 5 or 6 hours further. It’s going to be a long day.

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Southern Laos

Most of the past week we have spent in a state of pleasant lethargy (which only partly explains the gap since my last posting).

We made it as far south as we could go in Laos, to an island in the Mekong River. The island, Don Khon, is one of a group called the 4000 Islands. The name may be accurate, at least in the dry season when the river is low. But only a handful of the islands are big enough to be inhabited, and most disappear during the rainy season when the river rises 10-15 feet.

Don Khon Condo

There are three islands with accommodations for travelers. The two smaller, including the one we were on, got electricity just three months ago. The electricity is still of questionable quality, which is the other reason I have not updated for so long. Whenever I plugged in my laptop to recharge, everything got nearly hot enough to melt.

By the time we got to the island we were ready for a break. We had just spent five days in the Lao capital of Vientiane, which was about four more than we wanted to. But we had to wait for visas to our next destination, the country formerly known as Burma.

Vientiane is nothing to write home about— certainly not the seedy but fascinating French Indochinese city that has figured in numerous novels. Well, it still is kinda seedy. But we were offered opium only twice. Perhaps it has gotten tamer at the expense of being interesting.

There is a giant avenue resembling the Champs Elysée with the presidential palace (empty, as far as we could tell) at one end and at the other something that, from a distance, looks like the Arc de Triomphe. Though, as a sign inside the structure honestly notes “From a closer distance it looks even less impressive, like a monster of concrete.”

That may seem like a refreshing example of Communist self-criticism, but it’s not. The monument was built in the mid-60s, a decade before the Communists gained control of the country. The concrete used to build it was donated by the US, and meant for the construction of a new airport. Our guidebook notes that local expats refer to the monument as “the vertical runway.”

The Mekong River runs along one edge of the city. When we were there the riverfront, was being terra-formed along several kilometers to make a park with a walking/biking path. The project is being funded by Japan. Giant digging, dredging and bulldozing equipment were busy moving sand and changing the course of the river.

One evening, as we stood looking over the activity, a Japanese man, evidently in charge of the project, arrived with some subordinates. After ordering them around for a few minutes, he saw us and came over to us to explain in enthusiastic, but nearly unintelligible “Japanenglish” what was going on. We got the impression that it was going to be a very nice park, even though we were still fuzzy on the details.

The riverside is a popular outdoor dining spot during the evenings. The presence and activity of the heavy equipment affects the ambience, but that didn’t stop people from eating, drinking and watching the sunset over the Mekong.

When we were finally able to leave town we booked an overnight sleeper bus to our next destination, a southern hub called Pakse. Our bus, like a lot of the large, long-distance buses in Laos, was painted all over with bright, airbrushed graphics. Colored lights illuminated the vast engine compartment. It looked like a rolling bordello.

Inside, it was filled with bunk beds, like a long, narrow summer camp cabin. (So, I guess it might make a pretty good rolling bordello. But there’s not much privacy. It would probably make a pretty good mobile opium den. Not that I’m making any suggestions. I’m just saying…)

Before we left the station there were indications of mechanical trouble; there were ominous knockings from the rear, and the driver seemed to be having trouble with the lower gears. “This doesn’t look good,” I told Faye. But the driver limped the big beast out of town. As long as we were traveling at highway speeds in the higher gears everything seemed to be OK. But every time we had to slow down there was trouble.

Finally, in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, there was a grind and a jolt and some heavy knocking sounds, and the bus died. With all the grinding gears it had been hard to sleep, so we weren’t entirely unhappy that we would finally get some peace and quiet. Most of us dozed for a couple hours before another bus finally came to pick us up—not a sleeper. Considering it was the middle of the night, we were several hours behind schedule, and we had gotten little sleep, the passengers seemed to be in pretty good spirits. I think everyone who travels in these countries half expects something like that to happen sooner or later.

About an hour from our destination, shortly after sunrise, somebody smelled smoke in our replacement bus and ran up to the to alert him. I think we all felt the bus operators needed all the help they could get. But the driver didn’t stop to see what the problem was. A few minutes later a tire blew out.

When our luggage was transferred from the other bus it had hurriedly been piled over a compartment where a spare tire was stored. So all of us piled off the bus as our luggage was being thrown out onto the ground, and tried to make the best of it. A humble Buddhist temple was on one side of the road and a little village was on the other. Some people dozed on the ground, while others wandered around and took pictures of the temple and cute village children, while our bus operators struggled to change the tire with hand tools.

Eventually, all of the luggage was thrown back into the bus, we all got back on and, with our fingers crossed, finally made it to our destination. For the next week whenever those of us who had been on that bus ran into each other, we felt a bond of kinship. We ate and drank together, and recounted horror stories and travel tales. (We were one-upped by a couple who came in later and had been on a small, overloaded vehicle a few days before that tipped over and skidded down the road on its side.)

We spent one night in Pakse and one night a little further south before arriving on the island of Don Khon. We had every intention of spending just a few days, then trying to squeeze in a little more sight seeing before we had to leave Laos. But that was before we started laying in hammocks and watching the Mekong River flow by. Soon we decided there was nowhere else we would rather be, so why go someplace else.

Life in general on the islands seems to flow at about the same stately pace as the river, though with the arrival of electricity that may be changing. There are numerous little family run restaurants and oddly, the food is really good at all of them. We wondered where all these people learned to cook like they do, especially considering that most of the kitchens consist of little besides a rice cooker, a few pots and a couple of woks.

As far as sight-seeing in the area goes there are some spectacular waterfalls, where the usually placid Mekong becomes a seething cataract as it flows around some rocky islands. And guys with boats offer rides in the waters around the islands, especially to the south where one can sometimes see rare Irrawaddy Dolphins. We managed to see a few, but from a distance as they swam in Cambodian waters.

A lot of entrepreneurs have bicycles for rent, which is a good way to get around, even though there is no pavement. There are some dusty roads, a few trails through the woods, and the rocky remains of an old rail bed built by the French.

Nearly all of our time in Laos has been spent along the Mekong River. We’ve seen it flow past cities, and villages and vast tracts of wilderness. It no longer seems exotic, as I felt it was when we first encountered it in the northern part of the country. Instead, it seems almost like a comfortable companion. We’ve seen it only in the dry season, when its waters are low and it meanders along like it has nowhere to go and months to get there. In the rainy season it will come alive again, as will all the rice paddies around it and throughout the country. We’d like to see it then. Too bad I don’t like rain.

There is much more to Laos than just along the Mekong, of course. I’m sure we’ll be back to explore other areas. We’ve just scratched the surface, but the drift downstream has been a good introduction.

Our next destination is Myanmar/Burma. (What’s in a name? I’ll try to explain it later.) I don’t know what the internet situation is there, so there may be another gap before the next post. Who knows? Much mystery lies ahead.

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Temporal Field Distortions

We left Luang Prabang feeling a little sick to our stomachs—which was an improvement over how we had felt the past two days.

A day or so after we got to town we discovered a street vendor selling a delicious all-you-can fit-on one-plate vegetarian buffet, for about $1. Such a deal. We ate there three nights in a row with no ill effect. We got done in by a restaurant. We decided to splurge and had some Indian food as a treat. You never know what’s going to get you.

But Luang Prabang also left us feeling a bit nauseous less literally. We never did quite warm up to it. It has been designated a World Heritage City by UNESCO and it certainly has some Old World French Indochina charm, as well as it’s own Lao/Buddhist character. Sunsets on the Mekong are very nice, especially seen from one of the riverside bars. But Luang Prabang also has an international airport with flights from several neighboring countries. It is just a little too easy to get to.

My first impression was that it was a place being smothered by tourism, and I still felt that way when we left town. As our mini-van drove around collecting other travelers headed southward like ourselves, I saw a couple on the garden patio of their hotel, eating their continental breakfast, dressed in their hotel-issued plush robes. I’m sure their room cost as much per night as we spend in a week or two on accommodation. I think the future of Luang Prabang belongs to people like them.

Ironically perhaps, our next destination was another legendary tourist-swamped town, but filled with a completely different class of tourists—young international hedonists. Think Spring Break in Ft. Lauderdale.

Vang Vieng is a very small town in a spectacular setting. A river flows along the edge of it. Nearby, beyond fields and rice paddies, clusters of tall limestone bluffs thrust up out of the river valley floor. Partially covered with trees and dense vines, the formations look like something from the prehistoric world. Energetic climbers scale the cliffs; the less energetic explore numerous caves and caverns in the limestone.

We rented a motorbike and drove past them, on miles of dirt roads, through creeks and several small villages of bamboo huts. People waved and children shouted out to us as we drove by. Several times we stopped to ask for directions. Between them not understanding our questions (or being able to read our map) and us not understanding their answers, we got fairly lost. We’re still not quite sure where we went.

In one village surrounded by stunning, jungle-covered limestone peaks, we stopped at a little shop that had been set up in the front yard of one of the small houses. We ordered a couple of sodas and chatted with the man and woman who evidently lived there. And by “chatted” I mean we talked, and they talked, and none of us had any idea what the other was saying.

Well, we did have a little breakthrough—Faye pointed to a satellite television antenna in the neighbor’s yard (villages aren’t what they used to be) and said, “TV”. The couple seemed to recognize that word, then told us the word for television in their language. It was probably Lao, but perhaps some other local language. It didn’t really matter because we would have had to spend the rest of the afternoon there repeating the word for it to stick in our heads. Didn’t seem worth it.

As beautiful and peaceful as the village and the countryside around it were, the town of Vang Vieng is something else entirely. The few streets it has, mostly dirt, are literally filled with bars, cheap guesthouses, restaurants, internet cafes, and travel agencies … and something else I don’t quite know what to call.

I have a theory that clumps of tourists cause temporal field distortions—odd little bubbles of alternate reality, areas of bizarreness that sometimes defy explanation. Viang Veng is famous for two things—and I’ll get to the second thing shortly. Around town, sometimes side-by-side, there are these open-air … I’ll just call them TV lounges. They are basically low tables with cushioned seating areas facing several synchronized televisions, all playing endless episodes of “Friends”. It is truly one of the strangest things I’ve ever encountered. Any time of day or night there will be people laying around watching these reruns—and sometimes the places are packed.

We may not go rock climbing, or mucking through caves, but we could not pass up participating in this bit of bizarreness. We sipped bad mixed drinks and lounged through several episodes one evening—Season 3 I think. It is amazing how short the episodes are without commercials, or maybe for some reason we just lost track of time. We finally stumbled out of the distortion field around 10:30 at night to make our way back to our room on the quiet side of the river, just as the rest of the town was getting warmed up for a night of partying.

Speaking of river, the other thing the town is known for is tubing. You can rent big inner tubes and a tuk-tuk will take you upstream a few kilometers and you float back to town. Or at least that is what the naive (us) think. I am a big fan of floating down rivers on inner tubes. It offers just the right combination of getting out in nature and relaxing. So we rented our tubes, climbed on a tuk-tuk crowded with mostly enthusiastic 20-somethings and got dropped off at the river upstream.

It was right about then that we got the feeling that “tubing” was some sort of euphemism. On the banks of the river were three or four wooden decks with bars, all with music amplifiers cranked up to 11, all completely packed with drunken kids (a lot of Australians—and nobody parties like Aussies!). Giant beams were tilted out over the river and cables with sort of zip line/trapeze contraptions ran between them. People would sail out over the river screaming and hooting and plummet into the river, sometimes gracefully, usually not.

The different decks competed for customers by throwing plastic bottles tied to ropes into the water towards people swimming or floating. People could grab the bottle and be towed (or rescued from drowning) to the deck of their choice.

Faye and I felt surprised and bewildered. We had come to go tubing and were mentally unprepared for the scene that met us. We seemed to be unable to shift gears, to adopt the new paradigm. Or maybe we were just too old for that kind of thing. I wasn’t quite ready to admit to that, but I really was looking forward to tubing.

I had spent every spare moment of my childhood summers floating down the river on truck tubes, and was completely comfortable now throwing my tube in the water and jumping off the rocks at the side of the deck, just like old times. But Faye got in a few yards upstream where she could wade in. By the time she got into the water I was already floating out in the middle of the maelstrom. It was surreal and crazy, and kinda fun.

The next time I saw Faye the current had pulled her into a calm area between two of the decks—well, calm water anyway, though otherwise anything but. She still hadn’t got the hang of navigating the inner tube and hadn’t really focused on what was going on with the bottles. I called to her to paddle out into the middle of the river where the current was. With a look of fear on her face she shouted “They’re throwing things at me!”

Maybe it was the shot of Lao whiskey someone had forced on me as I made my way across the crowded deck before I got in the water, but I thought that was hilarious. I wanted her to relax and enjoy it as much as I was, and I started to explain that the bottles were not projectiles aimed at her, but sort of like life preservers. Happy young people wanted her to come party with them.

But just as I started to say that somebody sailed out over the river on a trapeze and cannonballed right behind her. The look on her face told me that her fear had turned to terror. I heard her cry out—to me or to God, I don’t know—“Get me out of here!”

She managed to escape, and the rest of the trip down the river was pretty much what we expected tubing to be. We did pass a few more riverside bars. One tried to lure us in with signs promising “Psychedelic Mushrooms” and “Happy Brownies,” but we decided against those treats. Last time we checked it wasn’t the 60s anymore. Or maybe we were passing through another temporal distortion field.

We floated along the base of some fantastic limestone bluffs. Downstream a ways we passed a small herd of water buffalo nearly submerged in the river. At some point Faye said, “I’ll bet most of the people up there never float down the river at all. They’re all too drunk.” And it was true.

That evening, after the sun had set, a tuk-tuk packed with partiers, their inner tubes loaded on top, passed us in the street. Four Aussies rode on the rear bumper with their pants down around their knees, shouting and trying to hang onto the vehicle and a beer at the same time. I had finally learned the true meaning of “tubing.” If only I had known.

After a few strange but oddly enjoyable days, we moved on to Vientiane, the capitol of Laos, where we are now. We’ll be here for a few days, waiting for the Myanmar/Burma embassy to process our visas.

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